Diary

Eyes leave glow trails

Most game worlds are like the depths of the sea, fragile muscles and legs are all that keep me from plugging into the depths, and water flows around my feet. Steps and a drop off into darkness, around me a flat desert of sunlit ripples, I cannot walk on but I can imagine I do, balance is what makes gods

A becoming seat, mossy and unused, rest for a moment and it is complete, happiness is idle, longing for more, this is the state of creation, I sneak away from the prying sounds of shouting eegits, you loose again fools, you’ll never find me here. 

You will haunt me when I die, smiling in the sunset as a nearby couple chatter and I wish I had a camera. Those moments were divined in the Big Bang just as this one was too. Collapsing time is a party trick we ought to have outgrown by now, but there it goes, the world is living and there will be moon light. Thank you bench for these wise words, I will not forget your form if you remember mine. I came to you fearing darkness, but I was the dark and the light, we both were. Dirty feet don’t fear the stones.

The sea provides random gold doubloons, a great game should feel like running on Victorian grass, free and a little dangerous, years of sticks and the promise of rusty bottle caps, and wriggly bugs, a home under your feet.

[] is the last structure from my childhood that remains intact, not many people who reach my age can experience that; surely the morphing of time will find it soon, for now there is still peace in a world of motion.

This is the moment, never forget

Always talk about the weather like a pirate in a storm “Avast ye skys be grey, the wind be still, but fortune lays a dastardly shade ahead to be known as night, we aught to flitteth from this place”

Dear diary, I'm sorry I forgot about you, will you ever forgive me :c 

Diary: *no I will not!*

Me: Oh no my diary has learned to talk!

I moved into a new house in the city a few weeks ago - finally got things decorated and feeling nice! I suppose this counts as the 3rd iteration of my orange carpet rooms - the first was in Dublin, then Glasgow, and now Cork. Each time things get changed, removed and edited down; it's starting to feel quite concise at this point!

It's been almost 3 years since I had a room to decorate like this! Somehow a lot has changed, and not much has changed at all - I hope this can be a happy place.

Just a small room! I put colours on the window because the view is not very interesting. The curtains were beige and stained so I tie-dyed them blue and now it's like waking up under the sea!

This is my desk where I put things!

The current library!

I have two A0 Rothko posters in this room, they face each other - sometimes it feels like they are having conversations and I just get in the way, but they are still very good company!

UPDATE: I setup the big monitor and re-organised a little! - Also here is the stationery! (With an ominous card WFMU sent me!)

I went for a regular walk today - sitting next to the water I was thinking about moments, the sea always reminds me of moments.

Things come and go, people and objects and places; the only things that are ever really yours are the moments you live. As Im walking past people on the road, we share moments. If you listen to time; those moments are worth the world; and then they pass on, making room for more!

(Look at this rock!)

I know know, I promised Id write a diary and failed! I’ll keep trying! A few weeks ago on an eBay Adventure™ I purchased this second hand Apple Watch! *dodges the tomatoes*  Do not throw tomatoes at me! I wanted a way to turn down my music and skip songs when my phone was away on the short holidays it often likes to go on to other rooms.

I ordered it from Greece and getting it here was an ORDEAL - it got stuck in Zurich and the Irish postal service would not believe such a thing was possible; their robo-phone took hours to get through and hung up on me 3 times, and when I did speak to someone they were unhelpful. THEN I called up the greek postal service; they picked up instantly and shouted at me in greek for a while, but then they were very helpful and told me exactly what was happening :) Eventually I got my watch!

Its a funny sort of fellow this watch; its not really like a computer or a phone. It shouts at me if Im sitting down too long, tells me to meditate in the evenings; and when Im coffee grinding in the morning it gets VERY excited and congratulates me on a morning workout? Sometimes it pings at me when Im trying to have a nap, but mostly its quite respectful.

We’ve been going on all sorts of walks together and it tells me some useful facts such as:

• Every step I take covers 84cm
• My resting heart rate is around 67 bpm
• My fast walking heart rate is around 115 bpm
• I move a LOT like 300% of what it suggests
• On a lazy day I take 650 steps and on an active day its more like 8000.
• I could improve my cardio fitness a little :(

Im not sure what to do with this info, but now I know! The screen makes a nice glow in the dark and the timer is very handy for pasta cooking; In the shop I payed for some milk with it, and the person at the counter went ooooo; I felt very fancy :^]

We (family) went to the UK last weekend to have a memorial and ash scattering for my estranged granduncle who I never met; most of us had never met him. He was separated from from my granddad when they were about 3 and almost never spoke again. Estranged granduncle had no family nor close friends, so it fell on us to tie up the loose ends.

The event was held outside London in the hinterlands of middle England. A place I had never seen before and hope to never see again; a never ending suburbia of pleasant emptiness where a person could disappear for decades. The hotel was grim (the people in the room next to me screamed at each other aggressively all night) and the food was even worse, after a few days we forgot that food could bring joy, perhaps we forgot what joy was at all.

Estranged granduncle lived in a cute little house that was last decorated in the 1970s. His mother (my great-grandmother) lived with him until she died in 1983, at that point he stopped looking after the house, and for the next 40 years it would slowly fill with trash until he spent his final years on an electric blanket in the corner of his mums old room surrounded by rats and rotting ready-meals.

His mothers clothes were untouched in her wardrobe, still in the dry-cleaners bags from when she last had them cleaned; her jewellery was still hanging up waiting to be used; the flower curtains she must have picked and stained with cigarette smoke were still there when I stepped into the room, long after cleaners had taken out 6 tons of rubbish. Her ashes had sat in a plastic bag in that room for 40 years too.

We drove down a sketchy lane in a Bolt taxi, past a cement factory and an angry dog. Then we walked, with the ashes in our arms like newborns, down a long tree lined road to a place estranged granduncle had liked. We found a spot by the lake, with flowers and swans; we took the ashes of estranged granduncle and great grandmother in our hands and took turns throwing them into water.

Maybe it was sunny when we started, but when we were done the sun seemed brighter. One of the many sad stories of our past and of middle England had come to an end. We will never return to that place.

I have a hard time writing about things unless Iv figured them out fully. It's easy to write about something when you’ve had a big revelation about it, but it much harder when you're stuck or sad about something.. which is quite a big percent of the time for me.. oh well, a person can only try their best and hope everything's ok!

I recently deleted instagram and feel quite good about it! I remember facebook started to feel uncomfortable years ago, and Instagram was like a cool place, but now Instagram feels uncomfortable so its time for it to go! I did save my old pictures though and here is a cool one from when I was in New Yronk (2018).

Heck! I forgot to write yesterday, so much happened! Nothing happened today though so it balances out. An old school friend and I went for a 13 kilometre walk from town out to a strange mound in the countryside. Along the way we saw the sea and cars and dogs and boats and rocks and trees and dirt roads and stone roads and tar roads and a few planks of wood.

Thats a vew of the sea from next to the fort, and below is a dumb picture of my feet which had blisters but don't worry Im wearing shoes.

The morning before there was a scary visit from the agents of stress, but we wont go into that. That evening a mighty pasta was cooked and some beers were consumed and the nature of life and loves were discussed. Iv had a rubbish year or so, it never seems to end; I spent most of that year thinking about all the things I must have done wrong to have such a rubbish year; but recently I realised no, I did nothing wrong and if I could do it over again, I would change nothing. To quote myself after a few beers “Life is a series of faults and compromises and the only crime is not living it”.

Today was uneventful, but there was a bunch of mega rain and hail stones the size of peas! Then there was thunder and lightning which was hella moody n cool. I counted the time from the flash to the boom; at first it was 8 miles away, then 2 then 10! Musta been going real fast!

This is the start of my new diary, please excuse me if I accidentally spell it dairy sometimes!

Wow that was a disaster! I made a pizza but I got a pizza pile :S It was tasty thought, Im not sure the pizza stone will recover though.. Someone posted a nice song on the forum, I enjoyed listening to that. Sometimes the forum is a lot of effort.. maybe its stilly saying but I didn't think managing a community would involve so much interacting with people! Its ok though, I like when people get into it a post lots of stuff!

I had a lot of naps today, Ill probably be awake all night.. oh well!