📠 The UK
We (family) went to the UK last weekend to have a memorial and ash scattering for my estranged granduncle who I never met; most of us had never met him. He was separated from from my granddad when they were about 3 and almost never spoke again. Estranged granduncle had no family nor close friends, so it fell on us to tie up the loose ends.
The event was held outside London in the hinterlands of middle England. A place I had never seen before and hope to never see again; a never ending suburbia of pleasant emptiness where a person could disappear for decades. The hotel was grim (the people in the room next to me screamed at each other aggressively all night) and the food was even worse, after a few days we forgot that food could bring joy, perhaps we forgot what joy was at all.
Estranged granduncle lived in a cute little house that was last decorated in the 1970s. His mother (my great-grandmother) lived with him until she died in 1983, at that point he stopped looking after the house, and for the next 40 years it would slowly fill with trash until he spent his final years on an electric blanket in the corner of his mums old room surrounded by rats and rotting ready-meals.
His mothers clothes were untouched in her wardrobe, still in the dry-cleaners bags from when she last had them cleaned; her jewellery was still hanging up waiting to be used; the flower curtains she must have picked and stained with cigarette smoke were still there when I stepped into the room, long after cleaners had taken out 6 tons of rubbish. Her ashes had sat in a plastic bag in that room for 40 years too.
We drove down a sketchy lane in a Bolt taxi, past a cement factory and an angry dog. Then we walked, with the ashes in our arms like newborns, down a long tree lined road to a place estranged granduncle had liked. We found a spot by the lake, with flowers and swans; we took the ashes of estranged granduncle and great grandmother in our hands and took turns throwing them into water.
Maybe it was sunny when we started, but when we were done the sun seemed brighter. One of the many sad stories of our past and of middle England had come to an end. We will never return to that place.
I have a hard time writing about things unless Iv figured them out fully. It's easy to write about something when you’ve had a big revelation about it, but it much harder when you're stuck or sad about something.. which is quite a big percent of the time for me.. oh well, a person can only try their best and hope everything's ok!
I recently deleted instagram and feel quite good about it! I remember facebook started to feel uncomfortable years ago, and Instagram was like a cool place, but now Instagram feels uncomfortable so its time for it to go! I did save my old pictures though and here is a cool one from when I was in New Yronk (2018).
Heck! I forgot to write yesterday, so much happened! Nothing happened today though so it balances out. An old school friend and I went for a 13 kilometre walk from town out to a strange mound in the countryside. Along the way we saw the sea and cars and dogs and boats and rocks and trees and dirt roads and stone roads and tar roads and a few planks of wood.
Thats a vew of the sea from next to the fort, and below is a dumb picture of my feet which had blisters but don't worry Im wearing shoes.
The morning before there was a scary visit from the agents of stress, but we wont go into that. That evening a mighty pasta was cooked and some beers were consumed and the nature of life and loves were discussed. Iv had a rubbish year or so, it never seems to end; I spent most of that year thinking about all the things I must have done wrong to have such a rubbish year; but recently I realised no, I did nothing wrong and if I could do it over again, I would change nothing. To quote myself after a few beers “Life is a series of faults and compromises and the only crime is not living it”.
Today was uneventful, but there was a bunch of mega rain and hail stones the size of peas! Then there was thunder and lightning which was hella moody n cool. I counted the time from the flash to the boom; at first it was 8 miles away, then 2 then 10! Musta been going real fast!
This is the start of my new diary, please excuse me if I accidentally spell it dairy sometimes!
Wow that was a disaster! I made a pizza but I got a pizza pile :S It was tasty thought, Im not sure the pizza stone will recover though.. Someone posted a nice song on the forum, I enjoyed listening to that. Sometimes the forum is a lot of effort.. maybe its stilly saying but I didn't think managing a community would involve so much interacting with people! Its ok though, I like when people get into it a post lots of stuff!
I had a lot of naps today, Ill probably be awake all night.. oh well!